Creative Carnival

Drop by the Creative Carnival, where one of my poems is being featured among the other great stories, articles and essays of the carnival!

Book Review: Us by Daniel Tocchini

February seems to be "marriage month" around here, with the books I've been reading and the things I've done with my husband. I requested Daniel Tocchini's new book Us: A User's Guide for review because I thought, "hey, I'm married—I could read that."

Us includes practical tips, "homework" assignments for couples to work on together or individually, and a "highlights" section at the end of each chapter that reviews the most important points covered in the chapter. Tocchini includes stories from couples he's worked with and from his own life to illustrate the points he's discussing in the book.

Tocchini discusses how the consumerism of our culture has affected our view of marriage. We buy things to make ourselves happy and then, if those things don't do that, we either fix them or replace them. In a similar way, we find spouses whom we expect to make ourselves happy. When they fail to do that, we try to "fix" them or turn to divorce, thinking that we've married "the wrong person." Instead, Tocchini says we need to change our thinking.

He presents the idea of a "kingdome marriage," drawing on Jesus' teachings in Scripture. He explains, "God reminds us that the greatest value in life is to submit and give ourselves over to God and one another. Becoming a servant will bring forth a greater blessing than this consumer world could ever give us." He then builds on this concept for the rest of the book, showing how it can transform marriages.

I found Tocchini's book a bit dry towards the end, but also found myself identifying with some of the things he discussed in his first chapters. I especially liked his view of consumer vs. kingdom marriages. Like most nonfiction books, it's one that I'll probably pick up and read again to try to get more out of it in a second reading.

This book was provided for review courtesty of the publisher or publicist.

She's TWO!!!

Sunshine turns two today! It's almost hard to believe all that the past two years have brought. What does one say about them? I browsed through some of the pictures on my computer and found myself smiling at memories I'd forgotten—and at how much she's changed. Every day she seems to learn more; new words that she's trying to say, new things that she's observed and wants to try. Sometimes I think of what it will be like to have a newborn when we've gotten used to an independent two-year-old who can feed herself, picks her own clothes, and is doing really well with potty training. Hmmm... more adventures to come!

Caricature by Tom Milutinovic, Pennam Inc. (2010)

Writing Support

Today I blogged over at Inscribe Writer's Online about finishing up the writing course at the local library and how that's inspired me in my writing.

Marriage Encounter Weekend

My husband and I spent this weekend at a Marriage Encounter in the city. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect of the event; I’d seen an advertisement in our church bulletin and then visited the website, but knew nothing beyond that. It just seemed like a good opportunity to get away with my husband for a couple days. So we left Sunshine with her grandparents and went for it.

Marriage is hard work. I don’t think any of us realize that when we’re falling in love and making wedding plans. It hits later, and then we’re surprised. We don’t want to talk about it, because all our friends’ marriages look perfect and we must be the only ones fighting over trivial things. But as John and Stasi Eldredge say, putting two people together in the closeness of a marriage relationship is like sticking Huck Finn and Cinderella in a submarine and closing the hatch. You expect something to explode.

I guess I’ve come to realize that if something is hard work, it’s okay to ask for help. And the Marriage Encounter weekend offered that help. It was good to hear from other couples who’ve been there, done that, and could share what they’ve learned about loving each other. It was good to see the other couples attending—some who’ve been married as short as we have and some who’ve been married for over twenty-five years. And it was good to spend that time just with my husband, talking, sharing, connecting again.

Somehow I thought that if I didn’t share my feelings, I couldn’t get hurt. If someone didn’t know that they had hurt me, then they couldn’t hurt me that way again. Or if someone didn’t know that I really really really wanted to do something, then they couldn’t hurt me by denying me the chance to do that. So I hid. But that thinking didn’t really work.

This weekend, as my husband and I shared our feelings with each other through the tools provided by the Marriage Encounter, I realized how nonsensical my thinking had been. It was so much better to know that he understood what I was feeling and to know that I understood what he was feeling. I realized that too often, I had been hiding from his feelings just as much as I’d been hiding from my own. Some of what he shared with me surprised me; other things, I knew that I had heard before but ignored. We talked and shared about things that we hadn’t really talked or shared about before. It was good. Very good.

Coming away from the weekend, I feel so much closer to him again. I know we’ll still have our ups and downs, but I also know that we’ve learned to connect and listen to each other again. If we take the time to do that, our marriage will continue to grow.

Book Review: Screenplay

Harper Gray is an actress down on her luck when a call from an old university friend gives her a chance at a new life. She heads to New York to play understudy to the lead actress in a new Broadway play. Chances are, she’ll never see the stage, because the lead actress has never missed a show in a very long career, but it’s a job and a new city and a reunion with an old friend. Since she’s starting out new, she decides to take a chance with internet dating as well, hoping to find romance just like her friend has.

Then the lead actress is fired and Harper is in the spotlight. As rave reviews come in about her performance and she gets to know Luke, the Alaskan pilot from the dating website, her life seems like a dream come true. When the play ends, offers flood in from Hollywood for more work. Harper gives the credit to God for his work in her life, but when disaster strikes Luke and she realizes the depth of her love for him, her faith is tested to the limit.

Screenplay caught my attention because of the acting theme. Acting is in many ways similar to writing; something not always considered a “real job” (unless you’re John Grisham or Brad Pitt), requiring a lot of work and a bit of luck and the passion and persistence to stick with it until you find your place, whether that’s Broadway and the New York Times bestselling list or the local theatre and a small-town newspaper.

However, I was disappointed with the novel. Everything is too perfect. The story felt like it ended when the Broadway play did, except that was halfway through the novel; there was another hundred pages left of Harper becoming more famous and rich and falling in love with an awesome guy. No conflict. No problems. I felt like just putting the book down, except that I hate not finishing a book that I’ve started. Even the “big crisis” at the end of the book in Harper’s love life left me feeling like, “C’mon, get real.”

Overall, Screenplay was a quick easy read, but not one that I’ll be keeping on my bookshelf.

This book was provided for review courtesy of the publisher or publicist.

Working Hard—Together

I showed up for a short five-hour shift at work on Monday, expecting that I’d just be a barista and sort of looking forward to it. No counting down tills, keeping track of breaks, or figuring out what needs to be done next. I clocked in, put on my apron, and wandered around the store, then ended up doing dishes in the back. It actually felt a bit strange not to be taking on my regular duties. In fact, when the morning shift supervisor walked up to me and said I could take over, I was almost glad. Now I knew what I was doing.

When I went to my job interview and was told that they wanted to interview me for a shift supervisor, I was a bit surprised. I had never worked any sort of supervisory position before. As I trained under a very good supervisor (who gave me all the responsibility but told me she was right behind me if I needed help) and started working, I discovered I was pretty good at it.

My model is my twin brother. When we sat around the hospital with his buddies after his accident, I saw how much they respected him because of his work ethic. I’d heard my brother tell stories about work, expressing his frustration with coworkers who wouldn’t work hard enough or pretended to know what to do when they didn’t. But that was just my brother: the guy who jumps in and gets to work and has no patience with anybody who doesn’t. Then I got the perspective of the guys he works with, guys who drove a couple hours a day just to see him for a few minutes in the hospital. They loved working with my brother because he not only knew what needed to be done, he worked hard himself to make sure it happened.

And so like my brother, I show up at work and I work hard. I make the other baristas work hard too—one called me a “ninja” for getting things done—but they all know that I’m doing as much as I ask them to do. And I like working. I like knowing that we have a clean store, that everything is stocked and ready to go, that we can serve customers well and create a comfortable space for them. I like the camaraderie and joking that goes on with my coworkers while we’re mopping floors or making drinks. I like walking out of the store at the end of the night, knowing that whether or not we got everything done, we all worked hard together and had a good night.

Inspiration to Write

The second homework assignment for the writing class I’m taking at a local library was, “What inspires you to write?” I had to think about that. Beyond the obvious answer of a good story (whether it’s in a book, a song, or a movie), what really inspires me to write? I’ve asked that question of other writers but not of myself. So I stewed over for about a week before coming up with this answer:

I am inspired to write by the stories of other writers like me. Not the overnight successes or the celebrity authors with the million-dollar book deals. But the writers who’ve pursued their dream for decades and longer; who’ve written and revised and edited and polished and then done it all again; who’ve read every book on writing there is and tried to apply it to their own writing; who’ve submitted and revised and submitted again; and who finally, after all that work and persistence, have been awarded a book deal.

I’ve read the blogs of many authors like this over the past couple of years. I love hearing them talk about their stories—the ideas that are hatching, the way the chapters and plots and characters are coming together. Then they start talking about the marketing, the pitches, the querying—information that I try to tuck away in the back of my mind for the day when I’ll be at that stage too. Finally, they share their excitement at the offer from a publisher and I want to do a happy dance to celebrate with them.

I also want to write. To sit down at my computer and go back to that manuscript that’s been gathering cyberdust for the past decade. To open a fresh document and start filling it with the stories that have been floating around in my head—to release the characters who’ve been speaking and moving and demanding to be heard. To go through that whole big process myself and finally, at the end of it, be able to hold in my hands my own book.

Book Review: Love & War

When I saw that John and Stasi Eldredge had a new book out called Love & War: Finding the Marriage You Dream Of, I jumped at the chance to review it. My husband and I have several of their other books—and those books are ones I have read or will read more than once. The flyleaf of Love & War promises, “What the Eldredge bestsellers Wild at Heart did for men and Captivating did for women, Love & War will do for married couples everywhere.”

With their usual openness about their own struggles (including the difficulties of writing a book about marriage together) and a good dose of humour, John and Stasi delve into what marriage means to God. They point out that the Bible begins and ends with a marriage; that marriage is a reflection of God’s deep desire for relationship; and that anything God deems important, Satan attacks.

Taking the concepts they discussed in Wild at Heart and Captivating, they show how these affect our marriage relationships. Marriage is the perfect fulfillment of the deepest desires of the hearts of men and women—in a perfect Eden. They also show the reality of marriage, how hard it is for two completely different people to live so close together: “It can feel like desperately trying to mix oil and water. Or something more combustible.”

John and Stasi use Scriptures, quotes from other great writers, fairy tales we’ve all heard and movies we’ve all watched, and their own experience to illustrate the concepts they discuss. It also felt like if a couple like John and Stasi can admit their own marriage struggles and thoughts of divorce, then there’s hope for the rest of us. Like their other books, I know I’ll be reading Love & War again and recommending it to all my married friends.

For more information on John and Stasi or their books, check out their website.

This was book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah.

Writing Courses

Last week I started two writing courses. The first is an online course from UBC called Writing on Motherhood. It caught my attention because it deals with two of my favourite topics. As a mom writer, I love sharing my experiences as a mother and those funny moments with my daughter. At the same time, I sometimes wonder if those are only relevant or funny to me. I can think of many pieces of “mom-lit” that have touched me, from Chicken Soup for the New Mom’s Soul to Blue Like Play Dough, and I’d love to write pieces like that to touch and encourage other moms.

I’ve taken an online writing course before while we lived up north and enjoyed the experience. It was good to connect with some other writers from all over the globe and to get feedback on my work. This course is set up slightly differently, but again, I’m enjoying the chance to hear from other moms. One thing that this course has done differently is to include a reading package—a fairly thick collection of “momoirs” for us to read and think about as we write our own. That’s a bit more like the writing course that I did in university and I really find that structure of reading and then writing helpful.

The other writing course I’m taking is a bit more informal. It’s at a local library and it’s a group of ten of us from the surrounding communities getting together just to chat about our writing. There are screenwriters, poets, and fiction writers in the group; some published, some unpublished; but we’re all there to talk about writing. Again, I’m loving the camaraderie, the chance to share our writing journeys and the struggles that we have in finding time to write and the ways that we can encourage each other. The instructor is very encouraging and has gotten us writing in class with some fun exercises.

I was amused when, in the first week of both courses, I was told to start journaling. Once upon a time, I journaled regularly and filled book after book, but in the last few years, it’s been a rather sporadic practice. In fact, I was shocked when I opened my current journal and noticed that I’ve been writing in it since 2007. No journal has ever lasted me for 3 years before! It felt good to once again put my favourite pen to those pages, even if what I wrote was mundane and boring (“yesterday I took Sunshine swimming and then finished the laundry...”).

For the last little while, I’ve been feeling rather “blah” in my writing life. I want to write, but other things—work, dishes, a toddler—get in the way. (Today it's nice that my mother-in-law picked up Sunshine early and I have a few hours of quiet to write and submit some work.) I hoped that these two courses would give me a boost, a reason to get writing again. And they have. Once again I’ve been reminded that writers write. If I want to call myself a writer, I must just do it.

A Good Old Dickens Novel

Sometime before Christmas, I felt like I’d been reading new novels for quite a while and it was time to get back to something 19th century. I went through my Dickens collection for a title that I hadn’t read yet and found Little Dorrit. After Christmas, I took a break from it to read Say You’re One of Them for book club and Thicker Than Blood for review and finally finished Little Dorrit just before my next books for review arrived.

As I read the novel, I thought of how novels have changed in the last two hundred years. What Dickens wrote was hugely popular with the readers of his day, but wouldn’t make it past an editor today. Little Dorrit begins with a long (albeit beautiful) description of Marseilles that leaves the reader wondering when on earth we’re going to get into the story. More long passages of description and even longer bits of satirical commentary on the state of English politics are scattered throughout the book. Now, we expect more action and less description.

Yet among those slow, boring passages are the parts that keep readers coming back to Dickens today: the sentences that you want to read two or three times, because they are so perfect; the hilarious and easily pictured characters; and the plot twists and turns to figure out. Several characters in particular made me think “only Dickens.” One is Flora, who talks in long, run-on sentences that make hardly any sense. Another is Pancks, always described as a steam ship in his comings and goings and “dockings.”

One passage that caught my attention was far towards the end of the book. In a beautiful statement of faith, Little Dorrit tells her bitter old mistress, “Be guided only by the healer of the sick, the raiser of the dead, the friend of all who were afflicted and forlorn, the patient Master who shed tears of compassion for our infirmities. We cannot but be right if put all the rest away, and do everything of remembrance of Him. There is no vengeance and no infliction of suffering in His life, I am sure. There can be no confusion in following Him, and seeking for no other footsteps, I am certain!” That statement is all the more powerful because we have seen Little Dorrit live it out through the novel.

Bleak House and David Copperfield are probably still my favourite Dickens novels, but Little Dorrit was a good read too—a satisfying Dickens story of complicated connections and happy endings.

A Chat with Carla Stewart

One of the things I've found encouraging about reading other authors' blogs is following their journey to published author. It's been fun to hear authors like Bonnie Grove and CJ Darlington talk about the novels they're working on, to share their excitement when they get a book deal, and then to be able to read the novel when it finally hits the stores. Carla Stewart is another of my favourite bloggers who recently landed a book deal, though she's much quieter about it on her blog. So I asked Carla to drop in for a chat about writing and her new novel, Chasing Lilacs.

KBW: What was your first thought when you found out your novel had been accepted by a publisher?Carla: Shock. Relief that finally someone was interested. This was immediately followed by panic as the editor also wanted to know what else I had. My agent interpreted that as meaning they were interested in a multi-book deal. To make a long story short, the YA novel I had completed was rejected, but the question came back, “What else?” I had a germ of an idea, but had not plotted the story. My agent brainstormed it with me (Thank you, Sandra!), and in four days I wrote a synopsis and three chapters. The next week I was offered a two-book contract from FaithWords.

THEN, I allowed myself to be excited, but it still felt a little surreal, and being the worrier that I am, I held my breath until the contract came and I saw it in writing.

KBW: What do you answer when people ask you, "What do you write?"Carla: My most common answer is “Inspirational Fiction.” Then if they ask more questions, I tell them I like to explore tough subjects in novels with a nostalgic flavor.

KBW: You've mentioned you were (or are?) also a nurse. Is there a nurse in your novel or in any of your other writing?
Carla: I’ve had a couple of stories based on my experience as a nurse published in anthologies, but so far I’ve not featured a nurse in my fiction. That said, I’m comfortable dealing with medical diagnoses and hospital routines because it’s familiar territory. In Chasing Lilacs, I have a mom with poorly treated post-partum depression, a burn victim, and an elderly man who has a heart attack. My next novel also features some medical issues, and I’m toying with having a major character be a female pediatrician or med student in a future novel. Some authors have their characters dodging bullets. I just make mine suffer with physical and/or psychological ailments. :)

KBW: And of course we want a sneak peak at Chasing Lilacs. What was the little nugget of an idea that got you started writing this story?
Carla: It was actually two nuggets that merged. As a child of the 50s and 60s, I have always been curious about those forbidden subjects people whispered about but were too polite to discuss, especially “nerve” problems and shock treatments. What would it have been like if a young girl’s mom had these problems? At the same time, I always wanted to write a story set in a tight knit petroleum camp like the one where I grew up. In 2004, I took a solo venture to the camp (which is now a ghost town). A few miles away, I saw the smokestacks on the horizon. My breaths quickened. A lump appeared in my throat. As I approached and later rambled over the vacant ground where my childhood home once stood, wonderful memories washed over me. I knew I’d found not only the setting for my story, but also the theme of the book—the power of community that shapes our lives.

KBW: Anything else you'd like to add?

Carla: I am so honored to be here. I can’t wait for people to read my debut novel (just saying it still gives me a thrill). Chasing Lilacs is now available for pre-order on Amazon and at cbd.com. There’s even a Kindle version for those who like e-books. And I’d love for your readers to check out my website at or follow me on Twitter. Blessings!

Friends

Many people will walk in and out of your life,

but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart.