Wanting to Write

These days I think I should change the name of this blog to “Koala Bear Mama.” I don’t write much (other than what you see here).  Tonight my writer’s group is meeting and once again I have nothing new to take with me to share.

When I do have some spare time (or get Lily down for a nap), I’ve been editing. I’m editing a novel for someone (very slowly) and I’ve enjoyed doing that; it makes me think of my first novel and wish I could start revising/editing it. I’ve also enjoyed working with the author, who is a new writer. Sharing with him all the tips and advice I’ve learned over the past ten years has reminded me what a journey writing is (there’s always someone who’s better than us and someone whom we can help) and encouraged me that I haven’t forgotten everything I know about writing.

I’m also editing the August issue of FellowScript, which must be done early because we are moving at the end of this month. I put a few pages together at 6 am while bouncing a wide-awake Lily back to sleep and worked feverishly on other pages while Lily naps (and Sunshine plays in my lap). Again, it makes me feel like a writer, helps me feel productive—gives a meaning to my day beyond changing diapers and washing dishes.  I like seeing each issue come together and imagining the writers who'll read it and be inspired by the advice and information within its pages.

In my teens, I read Papa’s Daughter, a story about a girl who wanted to be a writer. During her teens, she wrote stories and hacked away at her typewriter. Then she married, had kids, and left her writing behind. When she began struggling with depression, someone found a unique cure for her: start writing again. At the time, I didn’t really understand how suppressing such an integral part of herself could affect her in such a way. I’ve considered writing a hobby; but other hobbies I’ve had (folk art painting, scrapbooking, cross-stitch) have fallen away. Writing remains a driving force in my life—enough that I’m going to try balancing marriage and two kids with going back to school to study writing.

Writer Mom talks about how she feels dissatisfied if she goes to bed without writing something during the day. I’ve come to understand that feeling. Even if all I write is a short blog post—a rant about motherhood or an attempt to put into words the feelings simmering in my mind—then I feel much better about myself and my day. This blog has become my outlet, an expression of the two sides of me: mother and writer. There may be times when one is more dominant than the other, but both are there. And so I remain Koala Bear Writer.